Why do we Confuse Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem?
How to Recognize and Improve Them?
A few weeks ago, I came across a particularly interesting book. It was entitled “Les Philo-cognitifs: ils n’aiment que penser et penser autrement”. The author introduced a new perspective on discussing gifted individuals. For your information, this is a subject that has been much talked about in France in recent years. There have been books, conferences and even a TV series on the subject.
Beyond this new way of talking about the gifted, what particularly struck me was the way the author approached the concepts of self-confidence and self-esteem. These terms are often used interchangeably. At least, that’s what I used to do. But they don’t mean the same thing. Their meanings are close, and they are sometimes, wrongly, used interchangeably.
To be honest, I don’t think I’m alone in confusing these two concepts. In this article, I explore in depth the distinction between self-confidence and self-esteem. I provide a few concrete examples as well as suggestions for improvement for yourself and your loved ones.
Distinguish Between Self-confidence and Self-esteem
Self-confidence is the certainty in one’s abilities in specific situations
Self-confidence refers to an individual’s belief in their own capabilities to accomplish a task or overcome a challenge. It manifests as a feeling of assurance in various situations. It is often said that it allows one to make decisions without being paralyzed by the fear of failure or the judgment of others.
For instance, consider the person who stands up in front of a filled room without showing the slightest sign of nervousness. They will be able to captivate their audience easily, regardless of the topic. Also, consider the entrepreneur who takes calculated risks to launch their business. They will be convinced of the worth of their idea and their ability to overcome challenges.
If I relate this to my personal case, I know I don’t have tremendous self-confidence. I can, for example, speak in public but only on topics I am familiar with and understand well. Similarly, I can take calculated risks to start a project. However, I am not entirely convinced of my ability to overcome challenges.
Self-confidence is very situation-specific. Depending on the context and circumstances, your self-confidence can vary. This is one of the major differences from self-esteem.
While self-esteem is a holistic perception of one’s own worth
When we talk about self-esteem, we primarily mean an overall perception of oneself. Self-esteem isn’t necessarily related to a specific situation. It’s more of a holistic belief in one’s abilities. For instance, “I am a competent person,” or “I am a reliable individual.”
Following the same pattern as for self-confidence, here, it would be typical of the person who perseveres after a failure. Not because they think they are better than others, but because they believe in their own worth and their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Another example is the genuine individual who expresses themselves openly, with honesty, and without fear of judgment. They recognize the value of their voice and opinions, even if not everyone agrees.
Referring to my personal example, I can say that I tend to have good self-esteem. I know I am a hard-working and passionate person. I also know I am competent in some areas and less so in others, and I am entirely okay with that.
Take a moment to reflect. Upon reading these two definitions, do you feel you have more self-confidence or self-esteem?
Why Do We Often Confuse Self-confidence and Self-esteem?
One thing is certain: the distinction between these two terms is subtle. In many self-help books, you will often find these two terms mixed up. However, read a psychology book (even for beginners) and you’ll quickly see that these terms are explained distinctly.
But why do we tend to confuse these two concepts?
Similar Outward Manifestations are Similar
One of the first issues arises from the outward manifestations, which are often similar. By outward manifestation, I mean a behavior, reaction, or expression that reflects an individual’s inner state.
For instance, when someone blushes because they are the center of attention. In this case, blushing might be an outward manifestation of their shyness. Notice here that I say “might be” because it could reflect something else. The takeaway is that it’s something visible and perceptible by an outsider.
In the context of self-confidence and self-esteem, similar outward manifestations are often noted in terms of social interactions.
Take a primary example concerning interactions with strangers. In both cases, a person might approach strangers and initiate a conversation. This could stem from either a belief in their own worth (self-esteem) or a belief in their ability to interact well (self-confidence).
Another example is related to criticism and how one responds. A person with high self-esteem or great self-confidence can receive criticism without feeling personally attacked. They may be open to feedback because they recognize their worth or believe in their ability to improve. However, someone with low self-esteem might tend to self-deprecate: “I’m not good/worthy/competent/enough; that’s why they’re criticizing me.”
They have Similar Origins
It’s also essential to note that self-confidence and self-esteem often have similar origins. They have been influenced by both external and internal factors from our earliest days.
Try to think back to your childhood. How did your parents, teachers, and friends react to your successes and failures? What were their possible neuroses? Undoubtedly, encouragement, validation, and support bolster both aspects, while constant criticism, unrealistic expectations, or lack of affection can weaken them. These two aspects thus go hand in hand, causing confusion!
Similarly, social comparisons significantly influence self-confidence and self-esteem. Social media has brought us much closer (which is a great thing), but it has also amplified our tendency to compare ourselves with family, friends, and former classmates.
What’s important to remember here is that while self-confidence focuses on the belief in one’s abilities in specific domains and self-esteem is a holistic evaluation of one’s own worth, both are shaped by a mix of experiences and influences throughout our lives.
In any case, understanding this difference enables you to adopt more targeted strategies to improve either or both aspects.
How to Boost your Self-confidence and Self-esteem?
There are numerous ways to improve self-confidence and self-esteem. Due to the interconnections between the two, you’ll often find that by working on your self-confidence, you’ll also enhance your self-esteem. This happens because both concepts relate to our perception of ourselves and our relationship to the world. As a result, strengthening one often indirectly influences the other.
Having not always had strong self-confidence (nor self-esteem for that matter), I’ve had to work hard on these areas over the past few years. For the past two years, I believe I’ve come out of it. However, everyone experiences setbacks from time to time. It’s crucial to learn to accept them.
Some Tips to Boost Your Self-confidence
I’m not necessarily a fan of all the self-confidence exercises out there. For instance, visualization exercises aren’t necessarily my cup of tea. I know they’re more popular in Anglo-Saxon cultures. Again, it’ll depend on you.
Here are some tips:
- Step Out of Your Comfort Zone - Try putting yourself in slightly uncomfortable situations. This can help you get used to uncertainty and boost your confidence as you master new situations. For example, approach strangers in a bar or speak at a conference.
- Be Prepared - Whether it’s for an exam, a presentation, or a sports competition, being well-prepared can significantly boost your self-confidence. I often tend to over-prepare (for interviews, projects, etc.). This helps me boost my confidence.
- Develop Your Skills - If you feel less confident in a particular area, take classes or read books on the topic. I personally do this with psychology (and more recently astrophysics). It’s essential to have passions!
- Manage Stress and Live in the Present - Yoga, meditation, and alternate breathing can help you relax and boost your confidence when facing challenges. I personally use Asana Rebel for yoga, and it genuinely benefits me!
Some Tips to Boost Your Self-esteem
For self-esteem, you need to work on your own worth. Some therapies, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), are available. It’s a therapeutic approach primarily used to treat trauma-related disorders. It’s based on directed eye movements to help patients reprocess traumatic memories.
Here are some tips:
- Stop Self-criticism - Avoid negative internal dialogue. That infamous little voice that regularly belittles you. Some people advise replacing it with positive thoughts. You can do this if you wish. What works for me is clearing my mind, essentially returning to a meditative state.
- Set Boundaries - Learn to say no. Respecting your limits boosts your self-esteem and shows others that you respect yourself. One difficulty I’ve encountered with this is when people approach me with ultra-interesting projects. You then don’t say no because it’s uninteresting; you say yes because it’s precisely what excites you.
- Accept Yourself - Embrace your imperfections and recognize your strengths. People often say nobody is perfect. That’s wrong; we are all perfect in our own way.
- Celebrate Your Successes - Even the small victories. This reinforces feelings of competence and achievement. This is tough for me. I often don’t do it because I feel it’s not the right time.
As you’ve just seen, the distinction between self-confidence and self-esteem is not clear-cut. These two pillars of our identity, although distinct, are closely linked. They deeply influence how we perceive our worth and how we lead our lives.
Each of us, at some point, has experienced doubts and gone through moments of introspection, to varying degrees of intensity. I am genuinely convinced that exploring these facets makes you better: more attentive and more concerned about your surroundings, be it nature or your loved ones.
I invite you to discover or rediscover the movie “Ad Astra”. Upon my second viewing, I truly grasped its depth. Although self-confidence and self-esteem are addressed, it is primarily the connection with humanity that is highlighted. Happy watching 🙂.
